Does anyone remember when a band named DRI put out their
"Crossover" album? Boy it sucked. Prior to that record I had liked
DRI, they were a hardcore punk rock band. I saw them every time
they came to Washington, including the time when they toured for
that record. My mistake. My last mistake where that band was
concerned. I was so bummed to see that they had turned into some
bogus, attitude-wielding, punk-metal hybrid. They were the
prototype for such sonic nonsense as Pantera. I am a punk purist. I
want punk with no filler. I want chaos and passion, not posturing. If I
wanted speed-core metal I would have grown up in the suburbs,
smoked pot, had acne and worn white basketball shoes with the
tongues sticking out. I would have used the word "party" only as an
adjective. I would have thought late-Ozzy meant something other
than total shit. I would have bought Ranquet's car before he did. No
thank you.
It seems that nearly everything has gone the way of DRI.
Everything is derivative. All filler with very little substance. I make
this DRI analogy because it provides a frame of reference and is an
example of what I can only call "The Crossover Trend." Here, in
Heckler, I've been asked to write an article on what I think about
this very topic. In essence, I've been asked to heckle the readership. I
love this 'zine.
I've been asked to discuss my opinion on some of the elements
within snowboarding that have grown along with the finer aspects of
our athletic endeavors. The lifestyle elements. The media elements.
The whack pseudo-tough guy, "I'm a bad-ass gangsta" elements. You
know, sort of an 'off the top of my head' social critique if you will.
(Remember though, I'm an opinionated jerk and sometimes a
hypocrite, and I'm a little too sensitive for some people's good,
occasionally.) So go easy if anything really aggravates you. We're all
gonna' die eventually. So here goes.
It seems that snowboarding is the coolest "alternative" sport
these days with all of the media hype we've been getting.
Snowboarding has hit the big time. As we all know we've been
hitting the big time for awhile now. The first snowboarding
magazine, ISM(International Snowboard Mag), called it out long ago.
The visionary editor, Tom Hsieh, Jr., foretold of a day when the
world at large would take notice of our little sledding fad only to then descend upon us with earmuffs and credit cards in hand. He was right. The locusts are upon us and they are feeding fast.
Today, we are toys in boxes of our favorite sugar cereals, we are used to
sell soda pop and chewing gum, we are a Nintendo game. The
Miller Brewing Company hangs spastic neon-colored snowboard
displays in convenience stores, we are in Newsweek, and Sassy, on
cable channels like QVC, ESPN, and Prime Sport Network. MTV has
their panties in a bunch to get as much of our action as they can.
There are stories on us in local papers across the U.S., our films play
in college campus auditoriums, that bastard Warren Miller likes us
now, jocks we once never would have identified with are now our
best bro-brahs, cinema stars and enviro-conscious rock musicians
vacation with their tuned boards at Snowbird, Shawn Farmer thinks
he can rap (some other tone deaf people think he can too), and at
least one snowboard/tanning-bed manufacturer in hopes of taking
over the free world has now made itself into a viable commodity on
the stock market.
Yes, it is true, snowboarding has crossed over into a veritable
plethora of other nasty scenes and scheming financial dreams. Most
of these unions are short-lived and inevitably really have nothing to
do with snowboarding. However, for some people crossing over is at
least marginally profitable and grubby enough to be exciting for
awhile. But the question to ask ourselves is whether all of the
crossover attention is going to be good for snowboarding? Do the
current elements and trends that have found their way into
snowboarding mark a boom for us or the beginning of the end for
what was once a tight community?
Remember Chachi, he was the Fonz' cousin? One day the kid was a
heart-throb for all the girls and the rival of all the guys. The next
day he was a putz. Chachi overkill. Nobody wanted to even remember
that there was a Chachi on Happy Days. Chachi who? This is what the
media is doing to us. And this is what we are doing to ourselves with
this whole crossover crap. This is not to say that media attention is
all bad. If the attention is warranted and is being created by people
who have a vested, personal love and interest in the sport then it can
be a good thing. Otherwise, it is all about making a buck and
falsifying a scene.
The crossover trend has professional snowboarders looking up to
rock stars. It has some wanting to become rock stars. This is what I
say: "fuck 'em, kill the rock stars!" Who needs that crap. People make
music because it is an emotional release, because it is art. Foremost
because it is fun. No one should emulate anyone, and most certainly
not anyone who is stupid enough to think that making music makes
you a star, and therefore, above reproach. As far as music is
concerned (and life in general for that matter), the only time anyone
is truly a star is when he or she is at home alone with no one to put
a show on for. The rest of the time we are all just second rate
actors in one poorly written play after another.
When music, like any other artistic form of human expression, is
used as a weapon and a status-tool, it is then rendered insignificant.
This includes snowboarding. The significance is in the expression
itself. Once that is twisted or sapped then what is left? Nothing.
Respect and acceptance from the people who count in your life is all
you can legitimately desire. Financial gain and notoriety are totally
secondary concerns. If you are looking to achieve rapid financial
success then go rob a bank! If you want to become an immediate
celebrity then go shoot a president (may I suggest either of our last
two presidents?). Or go do something boring like killing yourself.
I've been told heaven is made of gold and that you will always find a
friend in Jesus -- think about it, lots of wealth and friends in high
places, you can't beat death for a better deal!
Sorry, I'm being crass. Onto another soap box.
This last season I was asked by a friend of mine who works at MTV
if I would be a part of their coverage of the Bear Mountain Board Aid
event. She told me that I'd have to be in front of a camera with one
of their annoying VJs and I'd have to interview other snowboarders
while they took a break every three minutes to do a top 20 video
countdown. Ouch. Damage. I thought Board Aid was a wonderful idea
and I applaud the people who made it all happen, but I know from the
minute she asked me to participate that MTV's coverage would only
be half-assed and inevitably super-stupid. And by all accounts it
was pathetic. Now, don't you think that if MTV really cared about
something as important as a fundraiser to benefits AIDS research
that they would have dedicated a little more time to making their
coverage count? They could have informed many of those couch-
people out in TV land that, in fact, young people are dying of a
horrible disease and that there are all kinds of people, including a
few snowboarders, who are trying to do something to combat it. No
deal. Instead they had the VJ Kennedy standing on a snowboard with
one foot in a binding while rambling off inane questions to any fool
who was misfortunate enough to be near her. Good Christ, like
anyone would want to be a part of that nightmare!
Now, I love my friend who asked me to do this but let's think
about it. She works for MTV, the absolute corporate devil of
corporate devils. Where our age group is concerned, MTV is the
destroyer of individuality and artistic culture. As far as that fucking
channel is concerned, we are merely a demographic ripe for
exploitation. A new music video gets dumped into "heavy-rotation"
for awhile and everybody goes wild for a month. Soon enough it dies
a slow death. Next video please! This is the cycle. This is what has
happened to NYC, Athens (Georgia), Minneapolis, and Seattle. This is
what will happen to every single one of the Bad Religion clone-
bands. Offspring beware!!
On MTV, whole scenes (music and otherwise) get sucked into the
vortex of mass consumer culture and are then turned into marketing
strategies. No one in the U.S. would give a shit about bungee-jumping
and rollerblading if it wasn't for MTV. Snowboarding is not immune.
This is why I declined by friend's offer. I don't want my MTV and I
don't want to be a party to bringing you your MTV. However, if MTV or
any other major media machine worked on something with
snowboarding and it was done with people who know what's up, then
it could be pleasant, perhaps even welcomed. Because any time we
are provided with a way to work a system that is using us we need
to do so. Insurrection. Change the system to better represent your
own version of reality.
Similarly, I don't want to be a party to bringing you more
damaging sexism and senseless violence. These two elements are
also a part of the crossover trend. However, it is not simply the
media that is influencing and acting upon snowboarding. The media is
not playing us out like we are ignorant, drunk, illiterate, wannabe-
gangsta fools. Rather, it is much more insidious. It is also tragically
comical. We seem to be doing our collective best to fit the bullshit
"twenty-something slacker" moniker, as well as the redneck moron
one. For example, some riders think it is "cool" to talk shit about our
female counterparts and to depict their likenesses only in the most
servile, degrading, and non-intellectual situations. Did anyone say
Black Flys? Boys, I got news -- girls are awesome! Girls are our
mothers, our sisters, our wives and our lovers. They are also our
equals and as such should be treated with respect. The ladies aren't
just for lovin', they are also for friendship, and they can teach us
more about what it takes to be a man than any of our sorry-asses
can ever figure out on our own.
Furthermore, this suburban gangsta silliness has got to stop. Board
graphics with shotguns and hip hop graffiti? Tagging ski resorts and
sipping forties in the parking lot? AK-47s? Yeah, when was the last
time any of us saw high-rise buildings and crack houses at a
goddamn ski resort? Do you take a subway train to go jibbing tough-
guy? Would most of you know an urban ghetto if your ass was kicked
right into one? I don't think so. Snowboarders are a bunch of real
tough guys. Wrong. We all have so much to be hard about. Sorry. We
play in the snow--life is good if you can afford to play in the snow.
There are a lot of bad things that can happen to someone during their
time on this mudball to make life hard but snowboarding ain't one of
them. We are all just a bunch of leisure-queens with tattoos and
body-piercings dressed up in our fat dad's clothing. Think about how
you are living and question your perceptions about everything.
Lastly, I can't think of a good way to conclude any of this other
than to say that if you bothered to read this far then you must care
about snowboarding as much as I do. Even, and especially, if you
disagree with what I'm saying. Or maybe you have nothing else to do
right now. Either way, Heckler is free so at least you've gotten your
money's worth. If, on the off chance that any of this has made you
think a little, then you're a good kid--go get yourself a lemonade. I
share what I think about these issues because I love snowboarding. I
love playing in the snow and I love the people that I ride with.
Sometimes I enjoy being a part of our larger community because I
know that without it I wouldn't be given an opportunity to write like
this. Knowing you are a part of a good thing can either blind you to
the shortcomings or it can provide you with an insight and a voice. I
only hope to find more people who realize what a good thing it is we
have with snowboarding. Don't sell yourself short and don't buy into
being typical, or stereotypical, just because it is easier.
Arlie John Carstens
July 25, 1994
